This is part of a series called The Heart of Recovery.
Do you have a loved one that is trapped in a life of alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling, etc.???
Are you in search of the formula that will “fix” your loved one?
Many people attend various retreats, conferences, etc. in hopes of finding the solution to their loved one’s addiction.
Looking for just the right formula.
“Surely, someone out there must have the answer!”
Are you in constant search for someone that will tell you what to do to “Fix” your loved one; that one tangible something that you can do to make them sober?
Well let me tell you, I do have the answer, but it may not be what you expect.
You cannot “Fix” your loved one’s addiction. You cannot make them sober nor can you force them into treatment.
Oh, you can have them court ordered into treatment, send them to counseling, etc. but recovery rests with the addict.
Now there is NOTHING WRONG with court ordering someone into treatment or sending them to rehab, in fact I encourage you to do this, BUT ultimately it is the addict who has to make the CHOICE to become sober AND REMAIN SOBER!!
Does that mean they have to “Pull themselves up by their bootstraps?”
NO! NO! NO! Absolutely NO!!!
If that were the solution, there would be bootstraps for sale on the corners of every crossroad.
Yes, the addict is responsible for their own recovery, BUT THIS DOES NOT MEAN THE ADDICT CAN FIND RECOVERY ALONE!!
Now it sounds like I’m talking out of both sides of my mouth, but I’m not.
What I am trying to say is that once the addict determines they no longer want to live a life of addiction they need a treatment plan and one that includes a sponsor in the here and now AND a spiritual sponsor – CHRIST.
But in the mean time, what do you do????
Let’s explore that question by using the word Heart as an acrostic. I’ll begin with “H”.
H – HOLD onto your addiction to their addiction no more.
Do not allow their addiction to define who you are.
Do you find yourself consumed with their addiction?
Is it as if you are walking through a thick fog in sinking quicksand?
Have you become addicted to their addiction?
I know of family members that every morning along with their first cup of coffee they check the Internet.
Is their loved one an inmate at the county jail? Arrested? Have they violated their probation?
No, no, no. Ok, NOW the day can begin.
This is a morning ritual that no one enjoys, but cannot seem to live without.
The further the addict’s life spins out of control, does yours?
Are you searching for where they are, who they are with, what they are doing? Calling around town to see who has seen them? Driving around looking for their vehicle, calling their buddies?
I know someone who was actually rather happy when a family member became ill…now there was an excuse to call trying to locate the addict and leave messages…very destructive behavior. Who is this harming? You.
It is Unhealthy.
I can hear you now… “But I just want to know where my loved one is, what he (or she) doing.”
Does knowing this information give you a feeling of control over the situation?
If so, you are only fooling yourself. The only thing You have control over is Your relationship with Christ.
Now if the addict is a minor, YES INDEED you MUST do these things and more to try to keep them safe. BUT if they are an adult it is my opinion you need to let go…”Let go and Let God”.
Whether they are a minor or an adult any treatment plan relies on the addict’s desire to get clean AND their reliance on Christ to walk with them as they face this giant.
Now the question is…”What are you doing to that is actually making it easier for them to be an addict?”
Am I talking about that hated term…enabling? YES!
Ugh…if you are like me “enable” is a dirty word!!
But we need to ENABLE no more….
In Part 2 of this series I will be discussing what this looks like.
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LIFE IS A JOY…PASS IT ON!
Susan Werthem is a Bible study leader, speaker and author.
She takes the Word of God and shares His truth in a humorous, unique and insightful way.
To contact Susan to plan a retreat or seminar Click here.